


No Man Is An Island

by JadedMara



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Thrawn Trilogy - Timothy Zahn, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ahch-To, Alternate Universe, F/M, Fix-It, Fusion of Star Wars Legends and Disney Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Luke Skywalker Needs A Hug, Not Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Sad Luke, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Fix-It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-17 23:03:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19964698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadedMara/pseuds/JadedMara
Summary: AU in which the Thrawn Trilogy is Disney-canon (minus the Solo twins - pretend Leia was pregnant with Ben at the time, if you'd like), and Luke and Mara have not seen each other in over a decade. Until he calls to her from his self-imposed exile…





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't like what they've done to Luke in the new trilogy, so this is my attempt to fix it. I've taken some liberties here, frankly because I don't know much about the new canon, and I only saw The Last Jedi once. The TLJ novelization implies that Luke contemplated (and even attempted) suicide, and this plot bunny was born. (SEE END NOTES FOR TRIGGER WARNINGS.) 
> 
> This is a work in progress, and the first time I've ever posted something that isn't complete. The first few chapters are written, but I'm hoping that posting them will give me the inspiration and motivation I need to finish the thing - I live for your comments! 
> 
> Last and not least, MAAAJOR thanks to greeneyediceprincess for being my incredible beta and to admiralashla for cheering me on and inspiring me!

_Things can go wrong when they should be right,_  
_And it can haunt you the rest of your life_

######  _"Broken Into Better Shape,"_ _Good Old War_

_Mara…_

The voice came suddenly, unbidden, the overwhelming sense of anguish cutting through her pleasant, dreamless sleep like a knife. 

_I'm so sorry, Mara._

The images that began to materialize with the voice were hazy, out of focus, but she could just make out a few details…

A rocky cliff overlooking a vast body of water.

A starfighter submerged in its murky depths.

A long, stone staircase leading to the top of the cliff. 

Mara Jade's eyebrows pinched together in her sleep as she strained to see more clearly. She knew of several planets with large oceans dotting their geography, but she couldn't make out any distinguishing features that would clue her in to this location. She knew with a certainty she didn't fully understand that this place, this moment she was seeing, mattered. 

She saw crude tools hanging in a dimly-lit hut. 

Blood slowly pooling into prairie grass. 

A dark, starless sky. 

Hadn't she heard a voice? 

_I failed you, just like I failed Leia, and Han, and everyone._

_Luke?_

The sudden pain and turmoil that rushed through the Force tore her abruptly from the dream. Gasping for breath, it took her a moment to realize where she was as she glanced wildly about the darkened cabin of her ship. Her elevated body heat mixed with the chill of the room sent a shiver up her spine. 

Closing her eyes, she took in a couple of deep, cleansing breaths and forced herself to relax. Her white-knuckled grip on the blaster under her pillow released slowly as she calmed her frayed nerves. 

What _was_ that? 

She suppressed the urge to reach out to the Force for clarity. It was too dangerous to open herself up to it fully these days, but she could cut her own arm off more easily than she could remove herself completely from the Force. 

_It was just a nightmare,_ she assured herself, running shaky hands through damp hair. She had been no stranger to vivid nightmares in the past, and she tried in vain to convince herself this one wasn't any different. 

But there was no way she was getting back to sleep anytime soon. 

Throwing her blankets off, she made her way to the refresher and filled a tumbler with tap water. 

_Goodbye, Mara._

The glass had barely made it to her lips when it slipped from her fingers and shattered, but Mara barely heard it over the sound of her scream. 

XxX

The blaring of her emergency comm line greeted Leia Organa as she entered her private quarters. Her brow furrowed in a quick frown at the sight of the unfamiliar calling code. She activated the channel anyway. 

“Leia, thank the Force,” a distraught voice breathed from the other end. The voice was one she recognized from days long past, but Leia couldn't quite put a face to it.

“Yes this is General Organa, who am I speaking with?” 

“Mara...Mara Jade,” came the hasty reply. “I'm so glad this line still works, I didn't know who else to call.”

Leia's strength dissolved as she sank onto her bed in shock. It had been well over a decade since she had seen Mara Jade, and although she didn't recall ever giving Mara her private comm, it was not an unwelcome surprise to hear her voice after such a long time. The fiery trader had been a vital asset to the New Republic in resolving the Thrawn crisis, and Leia had thought of the other woman fondly ever since. 

“Mara! I thought you were dead! I had heard reports--”

“Begging your pardon, General, but there's no time for that,” Mara's voice was still strained, her patience as thin as ever. “I need to know where Luke is.”

“I'm afraid to say that I don't know,” Leia admitted, heart pounding in her ears. “He disappeared a few years ago, and no one has been able to locate him. I've even reached out to him through the Force - he's cut himself off from me.”

“I saw him, Leia.”

The General's blood ran cold. “What? Where?”

“I'm not exactly sure...I mean, it was a vision. I thought maybe I was just having a nightmare, but he spoke to me. I know it was him. His voice was so clear...he's in danger, Leia, and I need to get to him.”

“Danger! Do you think…” She trailed off, tears stinging her eyes. She swallowed over the lump in her throat and managed, “Is it...Ben…?”

“No,” Mara's reply was firm and certain. “I don't believe so. I think...I think that he's a danger to himself. He spoke of failing us all, and he told me goodbye. I saw an island, I think, and blood, so much blood...I don't know if what I saw was the present or the future, but I know that he called to me. I have to find him.”

“Oh, gods, Mara - I can't lose him too!” Leia sobbed openly now. “Not after what Ben did to Han…”

“What? What do you mean what Ben… What's happened to Solo?!”

“Han…Han is dead.” The words tasted bitter as she spoke them out loud for the first time. 

“When?” Mara's voice had gone cold. 

“Earlier today, I think. I felt it in the Force. I still don't know all of the details, but I know that our son was responsible.”

“Luke must have felt it too,” Mara concluded. “That must be why he's…” She trailed off, unable to finish. She was quiet for a beat before whispering, “I'm so sorry for your loss, Leia. I always liked Solo. He was a good man.”

“Thank you for that,” Leia sniffed. “You're actually the first person I've told. I haven't had the chance to even grieve yet, there's so much to be done...if you can find my brother, if you can ensure that he's safe, I'll be forever in your debt.”

“I'm prepping for departure as we speak,” Mara assured her. “But I need to know where I'm going. Did Luke say _anything_ at all before he took off?”

“No...but Han and I suspected that he was searching for the original Jedi Temple. We know of a few Jedi ruins scattered around the galaxy, but we've not found one known to be the first.”

“I _saw_ where he was, in the vision...I think I could recognize it if I saw the place again, but I'm going to need some sort of starting point,” Mara reasoned. 

“We recovered a piece of a map not long ago,” Leia offered, “I've had intelligence on it round the clock, but they haven't been able to determine anything about his exact coordinates so far.”

“Transmit that data to me right away. I'll find him Leia, I promise you that.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter the warning applies to. If that's not your cup of tea, go back now.

_Be my friend, hold me_  
_Wrap me up, unfold me_

######  _"Breathe Me,"_ _Sia_

Mara had ruled out Ilum immediately: its landscape was an arctic wasteland, very unlike the lush green mountain she had seen in her vision. The ruins on Vrogas Vas didn't seem likely either, as the terrain near the temple was rocky desert. That left her with the possibilities of Lothal or Ahch-To, and based on the map fragment Leia had provided, plus a gut feeling she couldn't ignore, she had set course for Ahch-To. 

She could only hope that she wasn't too late. 

Pacing restlessly, she tried and failed to remember the last time she had seen Skywalker. They had spent a lot of time together during Thrawn's reemergence, and she had been so intent on killing him at the time that to call it “friendship” between them would have been a stretch. By the end of it all, they had become uneasy allies, and Skywalker had encouraged her to learn the ways of the Jedi, going so far even as to give her his father's lightsaber as motivation. 

She had held on to the weapon with fondness for years, although she never used it, and never took Skywalker up on his invitation to advance her skills with him. 

Thinking about the lightsaber now made her heart clench in her chest. Mara had never received such a sentimental gift before. She knew that the weapon had been the only thing Luke had of his father, and while there had been no love lost between the Emperor’s Hand and Darth Vader, she had appreciated both its historical significance and the significance it held to Vader's son. 

She would still have it now, if it hadn't nearly cost her her life. 

She and Luke had crossed paths a few times throughout the years, and she had grown to respect the Jedi Master. She'd heard the tales, many and varied, of his growing power and of his Jedi Academy, and she wasn't surprised that he had reached legendary status amongst the next generation. She knew how much he must have hated that, and had been sad to learn of his self-imposed exile after his nephew's downfall. She had hoped that wherever he had ended up, he was living in peace and thriving. 

That obviously wasn't the case. 

Glancing nervously at her navcomp, she calculated that she only had about an hour until she reached Ahch-To. Luckily she had been nearby doing some trading on Bakura, so it wasn't a long jump, and for that she was grateful. 

_Please be alright, Luke,_ she pleaded silently. _I'm coming for you._

XxX

Ahch-To wasn't much to look at from space. 

Mara had dropped out of hyperspace on the planet's night-side, and the expanse of water across its surface rippled gray in the dim starlight. Rocky islands peppered the ocean, and she had no idea which one Skywalker might be inhabiting. She had no idea if she was even on the right side of the planet. 

Taking a deep breath, Mara focused her mind and recalled the vision to memory. She had seen a long, stone staircase, and while there was no way that something so small would be visible from orbit, the very existence of the staircase implied two things: firstly, that the island would be mountainous enough to warrant the stairs, and secondly, there would be signs of sentient life forms that would need to make use of those same stairs. 

Mara continued her descent, studying the larger outcroppings of rock for any evidence that would point her in the right direction. She was about to stretch out to the Force to see if she could sense Luke's presence when she spotted it - the largest, lone island with a path that could well be stairs leading to the top, and what appeared to be a small village nearby. 

She hoped that her instinct had served her well; she had no idea what state Luke would be in when she found him, and she knew that if her vision had been unfolding as it had happened, time was not on her side. 

There was a small clearing near the base of the stairway that looked about as good a place as any to land. As she began the landing sequence, she noticed a dark shadow nearby, just below the water's surface: 

An X-Wing fighter. 

Mara was conflicted as to whether to feel relief that she was in the right place, or sorrow at this obvious clue as to Luke's state of mind. 

Securing her ship, she collected some rations, a glowrod, her holdout blaster, and the onboard med kit. Standing at the bottom of the crumbling staircase, she hoped that she wouldn't have to make it all the way to the top; she knew next to nothing about this rock, and had no idea what sort of nocturnal predators may inhabit the island. While she had kept herself in peak physical shape, she wasn't as young as she'd once been, and she didn't relish the idea of having to fend off local wildlife while climbing such a narrow path. 

Mara hadn't been climbing long when she spotted it: a solitary hut situated in a grassy clearing, not far in the distance. She picked up her pace, taking the steps two at a time now. Surely this was Skywalker’s home. As she got closer, she noticed a lone figure, slumped against the wall…

Her heart skipped a beat, and time seemed to slow for a moment as she took in the image before her. 

Skywalker was slouched forward, chin resting on his chest. At first glance, she couldn't tell if he was breathing or not, and the pool of blood in the grass beneath him gave her a sick twist in her stomach. 

His condition looked less promising than she had hoped. 

Mara rushed to his side, dropping her pack to check his vitals. “Oh gods, Skywalker…” She tried to keep her voice steady and her head clear as she assessed the damage. One long, deep cut to his left wrist, and he'd clearly been bleeding out for some time. 

Taking his face in her hands she slapped him once, twice, finally getting a groan in response on the third try. “Luke, can you hear me? Open your eyes,” she commanded urgently. “Come on, you can do it - _open your eyes._ ” His eyelids fluttered, and his head drooped back to his chest. 

“Focus, Mara, focus,” she chastised herself as she ripped her pack open and located her med kit. She had all sorts of training on how to kill someone; how to save someone was another matter entirely. The most important thing right now, she knew, was to stop the bleeding. “I can do that,” she reassured herself, removing her jacket to wrap tightly around his wrist. She continued to talk to him, explaining out loud everything she was doing as she was treating him. She wasn't sure whether he could hear her or not, but it helped her stay calm and focused on the task. 

Keeping an eye on his face for any changes, she quickly elevated his wrist above his shoulder and kept one hand wrapped tightly around the jacket covering his wound, blood soaking through the cloth and sticking to her fingers. 

He looked older than his actual age, his features lined with stress and the weight of the galaxy, his hair longer and more unruly than she remembered it. And while he had been clean-shaven in his younger years, she had to admit that a beard suited him quite nicely. He seemed so familiar, even now that he was a stranger to her. 

“What have you done to yourself, sweetheart?” The term of endearment rolled easily off her tongue even though she couldn't recall ever using it before, and certainly not with him. She was too absorbed in the task at hand to give it much thought. 

Suddenly his eyes fluttered open and he blinked a few times as he tried to focus on her face. “Mara?” he whispered hoarsely, “How did you...are you really…?” 

“Shhhhh, don't try to speak,” she said softly, blinking back tears. “Just try to relax, I've got you. You're going to be okay.”

He nodded weakly and leaned his head back against the wall, taking in a few slow, deep breaths. 

She gave him a quick once over to be sure that he had no further injuries, and her stomach lurched at the sight of his right hand, stripped of its synthflesh, exposing cold, bare metal. She wondered how long he had been on this island, and how he had managed to damage the artificial appendage so badly. 

Inhaling deeply and gathering her weight beneath her, she shouldered her way in next to him and slung his right arm around her as she pushed to her feet. It was going to be slow work getting him the short distance inside, but with adrenaline still pumping, she was up to the task. 

XxX

The small, single-room hut hardly ranked as the worst living conditions she'd seen, but it was certainly no five-star hotel either. 

She managed to get Luke settled into the small bed on the far side of the room and replace her jacket-bandage with a proper wrap from the med kit. Reaching out, she tried to locate his familiar presence within the Force but was met only with a tight mental barrier. 

Mara frowned. _He's gotten stronger than I thought if he can block me when he's out cold like this,_ she thought grimly. 

Once she was satisfied that he was in stable condition, she took a seat in the single chair at the small table and called Leia to check in. 

“Looks like I got here just in time,” she said to the General, glancing again in Luke's direction before saying more softly, “He tried to take his own life, Leia.”

There was silence on the other end for a moment. “I can't believe it,” the other woman's shaky voice came finally. “That just doesn't sound like my brother at all.”

“I know,” Mara agreed grimly. “And from what I saw, it doesn't look like this was the first attempt - just the most serious one.”

“How is he now? Can I speak to him?”

“He's resting. I was going to put him into a light healing trance, but even unconscious he's locked down tight. I can barely sense him at all in the Force. His call to me must have been a slip just before he blacked out.”

“I can't thank you enough for going after him,” Leia sighed. “I don't know what I would've done if he…” There was a pause as she cleared her throat. “I owe you one, Mara.”

“Don't be silly,” she said gently, gazing at the prone man across the room. “I would have come no matter what.”

“Well I'm eternally grateful,” Leia insisted. “Hopefully between you and Rey, you'll be able to convince him to return to the Resistance base.”

Mara frowned down at her commlink. “Rey?” she repeated the strange name. 

“She's...new to our ranks.” Leia seemed to be choosing her words carefully. “I don't want to say much just now, even on a secure line. But she was the one who was able to provide us with the map, and she's already on her way to you. She insisted.”

Mara wanted to ask exactly why a General was conceding to the wishes of a rookie, but she held her tongue. There were too many years between the two of them for Mara to have any right to ask such a thing. “I guess it's a good thing I got here first then,” she said instead, “or there wouldn't have been anyone here to find.”

There was an uncomfortable silence on the other end of the line. “Please just bring him home, Mara. We need him. _I_ need him.”

“I'll do what I can,” Mara promised cautiously. “I'm not going to force Skywalker to leave against his will, but I'll stay until I feel that he's no longer a threat to himself.”

“I suppose that's all I can ask. Get some sleep Mara.”

“You too, Leia.”

Now that the adrenaline had worn off, Mara's exhaustion overtook her. The minimalist nature of the hut left room for only one bed: the one currently occupied by Skywalker.

Well, he was the one who had woken her in the first place, so he was going to have to share his space with her for a few hours. No way was she traipsing back down all those steps to her ship for a couple of hours of shut-eye, and she wanted to be nearby when he woke. 


	3. Chapter 3

_Let me in the walls you've built around_  
_We can light a match and burn them down_

######  _"Dust To Dust,"_ _The Civil Wars_

Luke came to slowly, blinking against the dim light of morning. Everything ached, and it took a few disorienting moments to recall his last memory of the previous day. 

He shouldn't be waking up at all, he thought with dismay. 

He'd spent weeks filing the tip of the spear he used for fishing, making sure it was sharp enough. His first attempt had been more painful than effective; the blade hadn't cut deep enough, and he had resolved not to make that mistake a second time. 

And yet here he was, waking to face another day. 

Sighing in resignation to this latest in a long list of failures, he lifted his left arm to survey the damage, and frowned at the clean, tight bandage that covered his forearm, elbow to wrist. He tried to recall the moments before he blacked out, but a headache had settled square between his eyes, creating a void. He hadn't applied that bandage himself, he knew for a fact. So who had? 

“You know, there was still a part of me that was afraid you weren't going to wake up,” a soft voice came from his left. 

Luke's eyes widened in recognition as he slowly turned to face the source of the voice. He blinked several times in an effort to force his brain to catch up to what his eyes were telling him. 

Never in a million years had he expected to see this woman seated on the bed next to him, gazing down at him with such care and concern. 

His jaw worked as he tried to find words to put to the thousands of questions he had for her. “Mara?” he managed to croak, cringing at the sound of his own voice, broken from disuse. 

“Did you miss me, farmboy?”

He was surprised by her close proximity, but used the opportunity as an excuse to take her in. Her fiery mane was streaked with silver now, and her features were rounder, softer now than in his memories. But her eyes were _exactly_ as he remembered, and gazing into their depths still felt like drowning. His heart ached in remembered grief at the sight of her. 

A memory of the report of her death a few years earlier returned to him with unpleasant force. At the time he had been caught off guard by the intensity of the sorrow he had felt, followed by anger at the passing report on the nightly news: 

_“We've just received word that Mara Jade, former Imperial agent and one-time ally of the New Republic, was one of the victims of that horrible speeder crash we reported on earlier. That makes a total of thirty-two fatalities in that crash so far. Just awful.”_

Luke hated that Mara's life and all of her accomplishments had been overshadowed by her abrupt death. She deserved more than just a blurb on the holonet, in his opinion. All these years, he had carried with him a deep sense of regret that he hadn't made more of an effort to keep in touch with her. 

Surely this wasn't the afterlife, and yet here she was, concern piercing her gaze as she studied him. 

“How are you...alive?” he managed to ask finally. 

A shadow crossed Mara's face, so quickly he could have imagined it. “That's a long story,” she said softly. “We can talk about me later. The important thing right now is that _you're_ alive.” 

She reached out a tentative hand to stroke his hair. The tender gesture was a far cry from some of the less savory gestures she'd bestowed upon him when they first met, and he found that he liked this new Mara that he had never gotten a chance to know. He regretted that more than ever now as he leaned into her touch. 

It had been so long since he had opened himself up to the Force, but now in her presence he was overwhelmed with a peace that no amount of meditation had ever brought. How many years had it been since he'd had physical contact with another human? 

“It's been so long,” he whispered finally. “How did you find me?”

“You called out to me last night in a dream,” she answered. “And after speaking with Leia, I was able to put the pieces together.” The corner of her mouth quirked into a smile. “Hunting and tracking _was_ kind of my thing at one time, if you'll recall.”

He swallowed over the sudden lump of emotion in his throat. Of course if anyone was going to find him way out here, it would be Mara. It was so good to see her again. He'd always enjoyed her company, and if he was being honest with himself, he'd often wished their relationship could've evolved beyond friendship. He had so many things he wanted to say; so many regrets when it came to the woman in front of him. 

“Why did you come, Mara?” he asked instead. 

She regarded him silently for a moment, withdrawing her hand. A decade of memories crossed her beautiful features in an instant. 

“Why did you run, Skywalker?” she countered. 

“I wasn't running away,” he scoffed as he slowly pushed himself to a sitting position to face her. “I was doing everyone a favor. I haven't exactly been the shining hero everyone expected me to be, hadn't you heard?”

“I heard that you were dealt a bad hand with that nephew of yours,” she retorted coolly. “And that you were entirely too hard on yourself once everyone saw what he really was.”

“But _I_ should have seen it, I should have stopped it,” he snapped. “He was _my_ responsibility, I'm the one who trained him!”

“That doesn't mean you could control him!" she shot back. "Ben's choices were not your fault, Luke.”

He tried to keep his expression neutral, but he failed to hide the flash of irritation he felt. “You weren't there, Mara. You have no idea what I did.”

“I could have been,” she said quietly. Her voice held no malice or accusation, just a resigned sadness. 

The truth of her words stung. It was his fault that she hadn't been there. He'd wasted so much time, taken himself far too seriously. She hadn't abandoned him; he'd placed more importance on building his Jedi order than he had on his family and those who cared most for him. 

How could he have been so foolish? The fact that she was here now was proof that if he had reached out to Mara at any moment and asked for her help, she would've been there for him on a moment's notice. 

The position he now found himself in was his own fault, and he had no right to be upset with Mara or anyone else for it. His cheeks flushed with shame at how insignificant and worthless his life had turned out to be. 

Mara cleared her throat, the sound drawing his attention back to the present. 

“So,” she gestured to Luke's right hand, “what happened here?”

He shifted his weight uncomfortably, a knot forming in his stomach. He didn't want to talk about this, not with her, but he had never been able to lie to Mara. “I...burned it,” he said finally.

Mara's brow furrowed. “When the Academy burned down?”

“No…” Luke closed his eyes and covered his face with his organic hand. “After I got here. I did it. To myself.”

Mara said nothing, allowing the silence to grow thick between them until the discomfort forced him to continue. 

“Every time I looked at it, I thought of what I've done...what these _hands_ have done. These hands are responsible for taking thousands of lives, but they couldn't save all of my students from my own nephew. I _hate_ myself for who I've become, Mara. I deserve to suffer as much as I've caused suffering for others.”

She regarded him silently, her eyes bright with the beginnings of tears. He resisted the urge to reach out to the Force and sense her feelings. Slowly, as if sudden movement might frighten him off, she reached across to grip the cold metal of his artificial hand. 

The knot in his stomach tied itself more tightly. 

“Do you know how many people I've killed in my lifetime, Luke?” she asked quietly, tracing his metal index finger with her flesh and bone thumb. 

He shook his head slowly, distracted by the gentle movement of her hand on his. 

“I don't either,” she admitted. “But I know that it's a pretty high number. We've all done things we're not proud of, things we regret. But you can't fix anything by running away. You can't give up hope that we'll find balance in the galaxy again someday. So maybe things haven't gone the way you expected. The Luke Skywalker I knew never would've given up hope.”

“Hope left me a long time ago.”

“Well, you know what they say: the darker the night, the brighter the stars.”

Luke smiled sadly. “I wish I had your optimism.”

Mara shrugged. "I've spent enough time in the dark to know that the sun always rises again eventually." She released his hand, to his dismay, and stood. "So, Skywalker, are you going to sit around here all day feeling sorry for yourself, or are you going to give me the grand tour?"

He glanced around his cramped dwelling space with a frown. "Um...this is pretty much it, I'm afraid."

Mara rolled her eyes and reached for his hand again, pulling him to his feet. "I'm not talking about this hole. I'm talking about what's out _there._ " She gestured to the window. "Show me how you've been surviving on this rock. Show me the land."

Luke couldn't help but smile at that. She may be older, and he may not know her well anymore, but something deep within him was touched. In spite of all that had changed, her desire to know and explore her surroundings had remained a constant. 

Her enthusiasm was contagious, and suddenly that same excitement woke within him under her expectant gaze.

"Alright," he finally concurred, "Mara Jade...welcome to Ahch-To."

**Author's Note:**

> This story deals with depression, cutting, and attempted suicide which may be triggering for some. I've tried to keep details to a minimum, out of respect for others’ sensitivity and in an effort to move the story along. 


End file.
